Valley of the Shadow of Death

Psalm 23

 The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presences of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life;

And I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever. 

    Living with any chronic illness is especially hard on its own, but then add holidays, stress, and busyness and it makes it all the more worse. I am writing today because it is the day before Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday, and I want to crawl in a hole and hide. 

   People may say, look at the bright side, focus on the good, etc. And yes, this is good to think on and reflect on. But here is the truth. I am deeply happy for tomorrow. I am filled with love and joy as I bake and decorate. But...as I do things and my illness tries to take over, it just defeats me. Like most of you. 

   It is as if you are not able to do anything like you could before. Not one thing. And the one thing just adds up on another one thing and another and then finally you say, I can't do anything anymore and give up. A lot of people do. 

    Then, add depression into the mix and you get lies and gloom surrounding you. "You would be better off dying." "The world would go on just fine with out you." Etc. You know the lies I speak of. 

So, what is my point?

   I am here to say that you need to give yourself a break. Don't let the worlds idea of how you should be take away from who you are at this moment. You are exactly how you should be, pain, depression, and all. We don't need to get things done on our own like we used to anymore. We can ask for help. We can take breaks. But we push through! If you need to take a break, take it! But then get up and keep moving. 

   I am cleaning today and then baking. While I clean, I struggle. I used to be able to do this with no problems and get it done fast. Now....I want to cry. I want to hide. I want to give up. I am so tired of dealing with this. BUT...I didn't. I asked my son to help me and he did and it was nice. 

   Honestly, I still wanted to give up, that is why I decided to come, take a breather,  and write a little because we can't! We must keep fighting. We must keep breathing. We must keep going! I know there are better days ahead! 

    When we become adults, we don't expect ourselves to run around as we did as children, we grew up. And with growing up comes change. And as we adult through life, we change more. Adapt. Things will be different but they can still be good.
    I chose the verse above because I think sometimes we believe life with God has happiness and perfection in it. I don't agree with that. While we are on earth, we will have trials and tribulation as well as joy and peace. I believe the author knew that too and that is why he wrote  

"The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.

He makes me to lie down in green pastures; He leads me besides the still waters.

He restores my soul; He leads me in the paths of righteousness

For His name's sake."

   The good life. The life enriched with blessings that we should praise God for. The birth of children, the gifts of health, the new jobs, the new homes, etc. etc. 

    But he goes on....

"Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil;

For You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me in the presences of my enemies;

You anoint my head with oil; My cup runs over."

    The hard times, the dark times. The depression, the illness, the feeling of being surround by nothing but death and enemies. But who is there in the midst dining with you? God! And that is my hope in dark times. I pray it is yours!!!!

   May goodness and mercy follow you all the days of your life ! When you are in your dark times, in the valley of the shadow of death, remember, you are not alone and it is ok to sit down and take a breath!

                 Happy Thanksgiving!