I wanted to try to take a deeper look today. I received some great feedback about how my analogy helped people who do not deal with depression understand and I think this is important. How many times I have heard responses from people who do not understand and 99% of the time, those responses are hurtful and not what we need. So, understanding depression is of huge importance before saying things that you feel are helpful.
I was also given a beautiful passage that has helped a friend of mine through her depression from Psalms. So, at the end, I will share that as well!
Fog.
Imagine yourself waking up in the morning surrounded by suffocatingly thick, moist fog. You can not see around you, only see yourself. Even that image is greatly altered. The cold makes you want to hide in your blankets. The chill and moisture make every bone in your body ache. The scariness of stepping into the dense fog is too much to bear. So, you stay in bed, cover your head, and pray it goes away.
The next day you wake up and realize, that humongous fog bank is still surrounding you. But something is calling you out into it. Maybe you have littles running around. Maybe you have a job you have to go to. Maybe you just want to try one time. Whatever it is, you step out into the fog.
As you begin your day, since you really can not see, you just go through the motions. Breakfast maybe, saying goodbye to your spouse, driving your kids to school, going to work, bla bla bla.
You don't see people, you can barely hear them. It is almost as if the fog not only blinds you or alters your perception but it is so thick, words and sounds do not penetrate through. So, you smile your best fake smile, nod, and say the polite things to get people away from you as quickly as possible.
After making it through a day of just getting by, you finally get home where your safe spot is calling you back, but, you have to cook dinner. So, just like you have been doing for a long time, dinner is done, dishes are washed, and it is time to retreat to bed.
This....from a person dealing with depression, this is a GOOD DAY! Seriously! Those of you who have not suffered might be in complete shock but that would be a great day for someone struggling.
Most days, if you have to be out in the world (which is a good thing!) while you are going through the motions, you have severe anxiety. Remember, perception is altered, sounds are unclear, feelings are incredibly numbed, so just making it is all you can do. If there is a problem added to or a decision that has to be made, that is too much. That is where anxiety attacks happen. That is where you just start crying for a normal persons no apparent reason, and sadly, this is where the deep, dark roads come into play.
Waking up in the fog day in and day out for years on end, dealing with these things, and trying to do it on your own leads to the road that should not be traveled. Ever! The road of hurting yourself, the road of taking your own life.
This is where I think people get confused. Yes, there are cases of suicide that are just that. The person knows what they are doing and they choose. Then, there are the people with severe depression that commit suicide. Now, don't get me wrong, both are horrible and not ok but I just wanted to explain something. A person who has an altered view of themselves, a person who can not see around them, a person who feels nothing but pain and sadness, for a long time can view suicide as the only way out of this fog.
This part is hard to write about. As a follower of Jesus, as a person who suffers with depression, I can tell you from experience, the enemy loves to encourage depressed people in the way of suicide. Many lies are heard, "No one will miss you." "You will feel so much better." "Death is peaceful." "You will make your family happier because all you do is bring them down." "You must not love Jesus enough or be a good enough Christian if you have depression! Christians don't have depression!"
THOSE ARE LIES!!!!
If you have not known someone who has tried or taken their own life, then take it from me please, those are lies. You will be missed. You won't feel better! There will be no peace for you nor for those you once loved. And your family, no, they will not be happier. Suicide is such a tragic and messy way out for so many people. Not just for the person doing it.
Christians do have depression. Read Lamentations, read Psalms, read anywhere really. Pain is part of knowing Jesus is with you. He suffered so He can comfort us. That lie is HUGE because sadly, a lot of non depressed Christians believe it and will say it to you. "You just need to read more and pray more." That is a lie! I believe Jesus felt it. He wept when Lazarus died even though He knew He would raise him. I believe He felt such sadness for his death and for the friends and family who were suffering, He was deeply hurt.
And that is just one example. Don't believe these lies! Please!
Yes, I have thought about suicide in the past. Yes, I have family who loves me and I know it. Yes, I have heard the lies of the enemy and believed them. No! I will not commit suicide and my only reason sometimes is Jesus! He is my only hope some days. Other days, I
can see my son, I
can see my husband, or I
can see my dear friends and family. Other days, all I can see is pain. But, I know deep in my heart that I have Jesus. And I have to fight.
I finally, after years of dealing with this, have realized I am OK with Jesus. He still loves me and He and I are still besties even though I suffer with depression. My walk with Him is not suffering because I have depression. He is my comfort! I need to learn how to be like Him so I can be like Him to those of my friends who also suffer. I am learning that is OK to not be all cheery all happy all the time. It is best to be real with those around you. Perfection is not something we can attain on earth that is why Jesus has been the only Man ever to be perfect. We will be perfect when we are in heaven, until then, just be real and understand, you don't have to be perfect! Another great way to help get through is to fight and make your mind change from looking at self, and asking, "How can I use this to help someone else?" Always fight! Even if fighting is just getting out of bed!
So, if you are surrounded by fog, please, keep fighting! Cling to Jesus because He will never leave you nor forsake you! People will fail you so don't hold what they say and do as truth. Jesus will never fail you! EVER!! That does not mean He will cure you of depression, He might, but He might just want to be with you every step of the way to show you how much He loves you!
For those who don't suffer depression. The best way to help someone is to just be there. Love them. Don't try to give them advice, even Biblical advice, just be there for them. Call them, text them, invite them to lunch, send them cards in the mail saying you love them and care about them and that they mean a lot to you. Let them know they are important to you! If you do give Scripture, really try to find scripture that deals with comfort and love.
Here is a beautiful passage that a friend shared with me just recently.
As the deer pants for the water brooks,
So pants my soul for You, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.
When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night,
While they continually say to me,
“Where is your God?”
When I remember these things,
I pour out my soul within me.
For I used to go with the multitude;
I went with them to the house of God,
With the voice of joy and praise,
With a multitude that kept a pilgrim feast.
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God, for I shall yet praise Him
For the help of His countenance.
O my God,[d] my soul is cast down within me;
Therefore I will remember You from the land of the Jordan,
And from the heights of Hermon,
From the Hill Mizar.
Deep calls unto deep at the noise of Your waterfalls;
All Your waves and billows have gone over me.
The Lord will command His loving kindness in the daytime,
And in the night His song shall be with me—
A prayer to the God of my life.
I will say to God my Rock,
“Why have You forgotten me?
Why do I go mourning because of the oppression of the enemy?”
As with a breaking of my bones,
My enemies reproach me,
While they say to me all day long,
“Where is your God?”
Why are you cast down, O my soul?
And why are you disquieted within me?
Hope in God;
For I shall yet praise Him,
The help of my countenance and my God.
Psalm 42
