Today.....October 23, 2013, after a hard few weeks, I gave up.....I gave up everything....I gave up trying to be the perfect wife....I gave up trying to be the perfect mom.....the perfect core group leader....the perfect sound control person.....the perfect "behind the scenes" girl.....the perfect anything....I gave up control on all of it, every aspect of my life. I realized, after blurting it all out yesterday at a meeting, that I was in control of my life, I, not Him.....whoops...how did that happen?
    To recap yesterday quickly, I was feeling overwhelmed in my Godly duties, ones I know I am called to do by Him...."How can one be overwhelmed when one is called by God?", you might ask....simple....by taking over control. I stated I was overwhelmed and wanted to know how my Pastor does it cause he surely does a lot more than I.
   A few people spoke up and said a lot of things but here are the things that hit me.....
    Simplify your life....now....I may have interpreted this the wrong way, but here is what it meant to me....Try to de-clutter your home and life. Home being, keeping it clean by eliminating certain things in it. I live in a very small one bedroom apartment with three of us. We have a very cluttered home. And, as a woman, it stresses me out to no end, sitting in my living room, trying to rest in Christ, surrounded by clutter. So, this made great sense to me because for me, I would have less stress in my life if my home exemplified a life of less clutter!
   And simplify your life....getting rid of the world. I try not to cling to the world too much and I think I got a little proud in my "unworldliness". See, we try, as a family, to make sure all our decisions are based on how God would want it not what the world thinks, we don't cuss, we don't drink, we are pretty "good" people. BUT.....I like to sit down after dinner and relax by watching TV. Yep! There it is.
    Here is our schedule, my husband gets home from work around 4:30pm. My son 3:00pm. I am home all the time. But, typically, we have to be somewhere by 6:00pm so, we squeeze in dinner, family Bible reading, and all our own stuff in that small time....then when we get home around 8pm, it is TV time! Woo hoo! Relaxation!
   See why I am stressed.....  1.5 hours to cram my idea of what we are to do as a family  into that short period of time.   (We read the Word on our own and are very involved in church with different classes but what I am talking about here,  is the family reading time of the Bible and talking and dinner....so on! You know, MY ideas!)
   Here was my thoughts as I was listening to this Simplify your life talk....."I don't watch too much TV and it is certainly not my god. I could give it up at any time."   Here is the question, "Do I?" No....My fleshly, worldly side takes over and says, "You work hard for God, take a few hours to relax and take care of you, God would want you to......" Don't misunderstand, there are times of relaxing and taking care of you, but this particular "thing" in MY life is not of God!
   That night, as we were reading the Word after dinner, 6pm came too fast so we decided to finish reading when my son got home from Youth Group. Well, he got home at 7:35pm and NCIS starts at 8pm....hurry, read read read read!  Now, my boys are great readers but they are not fast....not by any means....so I could feel God poking me, "See....this is what I am talking about." I was getting irritated at the slowness, at the time that was wasted in questions.....and it hit me.....Nikki, you have somewhere lost it and TV has become an idol...it is more important that God.....
   Talk about a slap in the face! I did not want to ever hear that. It is never my intention to have idols! I never thought it was because I truly could walk away from it, but that night, last night, it was an idol. Amazing how they creep in so sneaky like! I let it go, control over my schedule, GONE! Bam! I felt peace finishing our reading!
   I also heard about being in the Spirit and prayer! Two so very important things. Have you read the Bible? How many times are they mentioned? Acts 4:31, for example "And when they had prayed, the place where they were assembled together was shaken, and they were all filled with the Holy Spirit, and they spoke the word of God with boldness!"   That is one example, there are a gazillion more!
   So, this morning, I got up ready to go. I packed my camera, my Bible, a dollar for a McDonalds Diet Coke, and headed to take my son to school. After which, I went up on the bluff of our town. A place I like to call my office! On the way up, I had in Red. (My favorite Christian Rock Band.) As I drove up, the song, "Let Go" played and I screamed it at the top of my lungs. I realized, satan had me, he had me in control of my life. I was trying so hard to fit everything in and to be the perfect everything it was falling to pieces very quickly!
   I will put the lyrics at the end...but it was exhilarating! I felt satan let go, I felt myself let go of all of this control I seemed to be taking, and gave it all ALL to God! Wow, what a relief it is, what a joy, what peace. Why on earth would I want all that. I don't. Oh Lord, please don't ever let me get control again, slap me in the face again when I do. I want to let You lead me. I want to follow You. Direct me O God! My life is Yours! In Jesus Name, amen.
    Here are the lyrics!
"Let Go"

"Hey you, look what you do to me
You bend and you bruise me
Why you try to control me?
But you don't know me
How come you just want to hurt me?
How come you just want to push me?
I can't ignore you anymore
Cause everywhere I turn you
You burn me, you break me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?

I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! (look what you do to me)
Let go! (look what you do to me)

Hey you, look what you do to me
You burnt and you scared me
With all that you tell me (but I don't listen!)
You love me, you hate me
You always want to take me down with you
What do you want from me?

I don't wanna be afraid I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take
I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let

You kept pushing me
You keep using me
You keep twisting me
You keep breaking me
You can't have me anymore [x3]
You can't have me, let go!

I don't wanna be afraid, I don't wanna run away
I don't want to be here fading it's more that I can take

I'm never gonna be the same
I threw it all away
I don't want to be here fading
Just let go! Let go! Just let go!
I don't wanna be afraid
Let go! (I don't wanna run away!)
Just let go! Let go! Let go!"